I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Farmville is her only friend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
