Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
