I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
