I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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