Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize