What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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