Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
