i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
