apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
