I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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