In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
