Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
