a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
