In the future we'll all be gay
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
