My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize