Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
