I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize