i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
