your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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