Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
