I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
There r osticjed everywhere
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
