she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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