Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
