and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
