just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
