All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
