OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
