i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
