Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your penis caused this!
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