do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
