What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
