Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
