I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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