You just made me feel so damn special
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
