you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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