Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
