Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
