bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
