You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
