I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
