I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
