Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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