I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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