My friends, they love my intelligence
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
