We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
