Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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