thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize