Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
