my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
