so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
