In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
