he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
