dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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