I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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