That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
