no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
