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• (571): View more from Virginia

  i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  yup.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm a pro at the other 9-5

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.

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