We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
