The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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