My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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