I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
