Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
