I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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