Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
