when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His nipple licking is glorious
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