Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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