I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
