During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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